


Suddenly Surrounded By Ninjas

by pistachioinfernal



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humour, Ninjas - Freeform, Shawarma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-29
Updated: 2012-05-29
Packaged: 2017-11-06 06:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pistachioinfernal/pseuds/pistachioinfernal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the label. There's also shawarma. It goes without saying that this is a very silly fic. Takes place right after the end of the movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suddenly Surrounded By Ninjas

**Author's Note:**

> I have...no idea where this fic came from. I guess I just wanted to see The Avengers fight some ninjas!  
> This was written in about thirty minutes, so I apologize for any and all mistakes in spelling etc., hopefully it entertains. :) Please leave a kudos or comment (or both!) if you enjoy.  
> Updated on Sept. 18th 2012. Hopefully it now looks less like the ramblings of an arthritic crack addict.

"Stay where you are blasphemers!"

  
The Avengers blinked. Natasha and Clint exchanged glances. Thor snorted in disbelief. Tony looked amused. Steve looked…bemused. Bruce sighed and put his head in his hands with a muffled. "Again?"

  
There was a moment of silence, which was broken by Tony. Because let's face it, when will it ever _not_  be Tony.  
"Uh guys, who ordered the ninjas?"

There were ninjas. A crowd of them. Or possibly a horde. Whatever you call more then two ninjas together. Surrounding them.  
Looking all ninja-y.

"It wasn't me." said Bruce, his voice muffled.

"We are here for the notorius Black Widow!" said the leader. You could tell he was the leader because he had An Important Headband, which was purple in this case.

The team turned to look at Natasha, who shruged as she wiped some sauce off her hands with a crumpeled paper napkin.  
"I assasinated the leader, sorry, _former_ leader of their clan."

"Assasinated?" said Steve, frowning his disaproval. Natasha shrugged. "He was picking up the local homeless and using them as 'demonstrations'."

"How did that wind up on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar?" said Bruce, looking up.

"We don't just deal with the big things you know." said Clint smugly.

"One of the homeless people was actually a diplomat slumming, S.H.I.E.L.D. sent me in." said Natasha, matter of fact.

Clint sighed. "Natasha…"

She blinked at him. "What?"

"I can't just…lie a little?"

"No."

"I for one find your actions laudable my lady." said Thor, earning a dirty look from Steve. Natasha smiled sweetly at the god. "Thank you Thor."

"Well _I_ for one, am wondering why you offing this pooh-bah makes us 'blasphemers'." said Tony as he leaned casually back in his chair.

The team looked at Purple Headband, who seemed flummoxed.  
"I…." he spluttered. "I do not have to explain my actions to you!" he said, drawing the sword at his side with a dramatic florish.

"Carefull with that son, you're likely to put an eye out." said Steve calmly. He took a sip of his coke and grimaced. "Ugh…too sweet."

"Yeah, it's mostly just sugar." said Bruce, nodding.

"That's why it tastes good." said Clint, idly toying with a knife.

Purple Headband, enraged by their indifference, brought his blade down on the formica table with a loud crash, sending the food flying to the ground.

"This is no laughing matter!" he screamed. Natasha and Clint exchanged a look and broke into giggles, while Thor got to his feet, along with Tony and Steve. Bruce stayed seated, looking up at the man with a baffled smile as he proped his chin in his hand.

"I've got to wonder…do you have some sort of…death wish?" he said.  
Purple Headband paused, looking around the table. His eyes widened. "Wait…you are Thor….and you are Tony Stark..inventor of the Iron….Man…suit.…" he said slowly. The ninjas around him all seemed to flinch a little as they also recognized the people they'd just confronted.

There was a sharp whizzing sound, and suddenly a knife was sticking out of Headbands hand.

Clint stood up, grinning as he held up a handful of cheap cultlery. "Bullseye, genius."

Purple Headband shrieked in pain, staring at his hand. Which apparently was the order for the ninjas to attack, since they did. Thor and Steve did most of the heavy hitting, with Tony managing to hold his own even without the armour. Meanwhile Clint and Natasha sat at the table flicking cheap cutlery with deadly aim. As for Bruce.... Bruce watched the battle, calmly eating his shawarma.

One of the ninjas behind Tony, trying to choke him out with a headlock.

"Bruce! Buddy! A little help?" wheezed Tony. Bruce shook his head.  
"Sorry, I'm all Hulked out."

"What? You're what?! That's not possible, how can you be Hulked-erk!"

As ninjas grip tightened, Tony reared back, crushing him against a nearby pillar, making the attacker fall to the ground in an unconcious heap. Bruce gave him a thumbs up, grinning.  
"See? You're doing fine!"

Tony glared at him. "No Candyland for you."

Thor bowled several ninjas over in one blow, while Steve knocked three down by hitting them with a table. Another one came at him and he grinned. "All right then, come on."

The ninja let out a battle cry, sounding something like an irate chicken, and moved forward with quick, stabbing blows. But he was unable to lay a hand on Steve, the Super Soldier ducking and weaving with lightning quickness.

"Stand still you!"

"Okay." The blonde super-soldier stopped moving and the frustrated ninja threw a punch at his head.

Only for Steve to catch it in an iron grip. He grinned as his opponent let out a whimper of pain. "And that's why you should think before you speak."

Picking the man up by his shirt, Steve hurled him through the air into another ninja group, knocking them to the ground like so many bowling pins. "Strike!"

"Hawkeye?"  
"Yeah Tasha?"  
"I'm almost out of forks."  
"No problem, I've still got plenty of spoons."  
"Ooooh… _nice_!"

Most of the ninjas were down by the time Thor turned his attention back towards Purple Headband. The leader was holding his bleeding hand to his chest, scrabling for his sword in the at the rubble on the ground. The god grinned wickedly, and advanced, the other Avengers joining him. "Wait! Wait, I…I just wait!" said the other man desperately.

"Oh?" said Thor. He loomed over the man. "Hear this: You will tell your people to surrender. You will tell them to drop their weapons, and to come quietly. If they do not,"  
The sky darkened, thunder rumbled and lightening crashed, throwing the faces of the heroes into shadow, their eyes gleaming with feverish glee.  
"Then I, and my companions, will be…displeased."

"WE SURRENDER!" Purple Headband shrieked at the top of his lungs.  
Thor smiled as all the ninjas dropped their weapons, lacing their hands behind their heads in surrender.  
"Most excellent."

The police had arrived and taken most of the ninjas away. They had been glad, _eager_ , to go, most of them whimpering quietly as they were lead away.

  
The shwarma dinner slash restaurant which had been a bit...untidy from the Battle of New York, was now mostly broken tables and bits of food. "What am I going to do about this mess!?" cried the cashier (who was probably the owner as well) pulling at his hair as he looked at the wreck of his business.

The team all turned to look at Tony, who blinked. "What? What do you, oh. Oh really? Fine, fine, I see what you need me for." He pullled out a checkbook and scribbled something on it before handing it over to the cashier. "Sorry about the mess."

"Sorry! I-" The man's looked down at the check in his hand and his eyes widened. "-No problem sir. Will that be all?"

Tony turned to the others, a big smile on his face.

"Dessert?"


End file.
